unsure whether should i hv reacted the way
i reacted today
my min's a blank
my heart's confused
sorry for dampening all of ur moods
i didn't mean to

this has been bothering me for months
if i'm not wrong, it started way before SYF
i've tried listening to u
"put up a brave front & act as if nth had happened"
i tried.
my smile's a veil i put on everyday
but my doubts & worries are affirmed every passing day
i can no long withstand the pressure
since things have come to this stage
i don't see the need to hide my feelings any more
i'm breaking down.

i treated evryone whole-heartedly
yet i got used over & over again

for months my ears, eyes & heart
has been delivering the same message to me
that i aint needed in that clique
i've tried coming up with reasons & gather evidence to prove myself wrong
but ever since i saw what was written on her table twice & my observations
esp today
my mind went into a blank
suddenly i could not come up with any more reasons
i didn't noe how to feel, how to act
i just lay there broken hearted

i was disappointed
disappointed by the fact that they were not the ones
who attempted to lift up my morale
going to the toilet to clear my thoughts didn't help

i don't want to allow history to repeat itself again
i noe by reacting that way today
may cause me to lose
not one but three good friends
all of you are too important to be lost just because of my pride
i don't want to end up apologizing to all of u in my blog
like the way i did to yen lin with such regret
at least by voicing out of feelings
i noe where i stand

i noe i've changed
changed into someone whom i, myself can't understand
where has my self-confidence gone to?
where is my motivation to succeed?
suddenly i realised that
all these were given by u all & my family
this is how much u all mean to me