I'm in one of those lousier moods again. Terrence's right, life is a roller coaster. But while others are enjoying their rides with friends & screaming coz it makes them feel good, I don't. No matter how I scream no one hears me. I can only seek solace in music. Where the lyrics speak my feelings, the music helps me to vent it all out.

I've been thinking about you again. I'm missing you but you've probably alr forgot all abt me. Nevertheless I don't think I'll ever be able to forget my first best-friend & my first enemy. Ironic, the ppl closest to you are the ones who hurt you most. Maybe that's why I keep a distance from everyone ard. I just don't follow my heart. No matter how touched I am abt the things ppl do for me, I remained nonchalant on the outside like it's no big deal. But inside, I'm dying to tell you 'thanks a lot & i love you' . It was you, you made me disllusioned abt friendships. You amde me lose trust in everybody, made me all paranoid & jittery. It's all because I don't wanan lose anyone the way like I lost you.

pls for those who dunno, i'm not a les confessing my love or anything. i just that friend who once made me felt so important, so loved.

I looked at my life, saw the mistakes i made. Replayed all those scenes in which i made you all think you weren't important to me, evetually gave up hope on me then left me. If only life's like those online games. There are guide books ard, ppl more experienced than you there to give you advice. If you make a wrong move, learn from it, buy some potions you're healed & on your way to fight again. I wanan be brave and all, move on. But my strength alone's not enough to keep me going. I crumble whenever I lose faith. I need someone to remind me I can do it. I'm discouraged by past expierences. Ppl kept saying i'm cool, i'm dao. I don't do things on purpose to give u that impression. I don't want that impression. But i've become so harden that this 'coolness' acts like a shield to protect me. I want it to melt away. wo li bu cong xin you neng zheng yang?

I'm out of the forest but now, I don't know which direction to go.