The keyboard's right in front of me, 26 letters staring blankly yet no matter how i try to form words, nothing can express the pain i'm going through now. i just found out that one of my maternal grandmother's terminally ill. She's my closest grandparent & the one whom I worry about most. My other grandparents have other grandchildren besides me but this grandmother of mine only has my brother & I. Moreover she has a good for nothing son who smokes all day long.

I'm trying very hard now, not to cry but I can't seem to control my tears anymore. My heart's in tremendous pain. I'm really doing my best to collect myself together. I know that death is part and parcel of life & that my grandparents are old, it's only a matter of time before I have to let them go. Theory being theory, I can't do it. The pain she undergoes physically has turned into sharp knives pirecing my heart.

My motive for letting you all know about this matter is to prevent me from letting history repeat itself. I don't want to keep everything from you all while having to bear with my unreasonable actions or to misunderstand anything. Although I want to hide myself away now, but I'll do my best not to for i know, once i hide, it will take me a long time to get out again. I'll do my best to do what i have to do.