It was refreshing to be embraced by the tender hands of nature & surrounded by the company of friends yesterday. To celebrate reen's birthday, we went to ECP. Some of us were cycling while some skated.

The moment the view of the sea merging with the horizons of the blue sky came into sight, I was captivated by it. Nature has its way of making you feel that you're just a small part of this world thereby making your problems feel small as well. We played, took pictures , yesterday was probably the first time I've let myself truly enjoying the moment since few months ago. Thanks friends, thank you for creating these wonderful memories with me.

I might have to go & pray my respects to my late ancestors later. What saddened me most was when my dad told me that we would have to offer our respects to my grandmother some other because she wasn't placed at the same place as my other ancestors. From what I've heard, Christians do not have 'qing ming jie'. I just feel a wave of pain going through my heart whenever I'm reminded that my grandma is gone. I still can't bring myself to use the terms 'last time' or just using the past tense to refer to her. It hurts too much that I just feel like deluding myself that she's still at home now. And all that has happened was just a nightmare. But I know I have to move on.

Looking back, I have this strong believe that my grandma converted to Christianity partly because she loved Jesus & partly because of us. I guess she didn't want to bother us even after her death.I remember her constantly asking me to return home whenever I've barely stayed in the hospital for an hour to visit her because she didn't want me to disrupt my studies. For me, I'd rather go to the extra mile because right now, that's the only thing I can do for her besides living up to her expectations of me.

It's ironic that when she was still alive, I didn;t make the effort to visit her although it is through that I'm busy with school work, but now that I thought of it, I could have easily took out a few hours to accompany her during the weekends at least. That, I've failed to do so yet I claim to love her a lot. My love, seems superficial when compared to her selfless love. I really miss her so much.

I'm sry if I've dampened any of ur moods if you've read all the way till the end but I just thought I needed to get this out of my chest.