Everywhere I go, be it the shopping malls or even listening to the radio at home, Mother's Day is the main preoccupation in everyone now. Don't be mistaken, I didn't say it's bad. But somehow all these contributed to my overwhleming nostalgia & guilt. It's killing me.

So much went through my mind & I thought over & over again whether it would be appropriate for me to blog this down. In the end I did which is why you're reading this post. Besides only a few read my blog so I guess it's ok to reveal myself here, right?

Thank you all those who have shown your concern, I'm not fine but I'm still trying to cope. It has gotten to me that I'm no normal kid, no longer that carefree child who cries & throws a tantrum whenever things do not go my way & often, the adults will come running to me to pacify me when I get on their nerves. My mum, is seldom one of the adults. I remember falling badly once when I was playing with my cousins, while the rest came over surrounding me & asking if I was alright, my mum was the only one who came & chided me. I was angry then. Resentful even. I dislike this about my mum. Always standing tall, full of authority, never showing signs of weakness especailly in a quarrel lol & affection. She appears so strong I thought she doesn't need my love anyway.

Now that I've matured a little that I realise my mum & I are similar in many ways. Besides our appearance which many say we look alike, but the way we express our love as well. We do it internally. Even if we are to express it, we'll do it through our actions discreetly. Very often, people who do these get their intentions misinterpreted or unappraciated. But we can't blame others because our epression of love aren't obvious enough. More importantly I realised that strong ppl need love to survive more than anyone esle. Love feeds their hopes. Hopes keep ppl alive. Ppl who have shown strength in dire times need hopes to replace the torment & bitterness of life in their hearts.

When I've moved on to upper primary, especially at p6, my mum tried to talk to me like a young adult, showing more gentleness in her conversations with me. However I was at my rebellious stage then. A stage where I refuse to let love enter. Now that I recall it, it must have hurt her a lot. I'm sorry mummy, I'm really sorry. I don't have the courage to tell you this personally but I really don't want to keep it hidden inside of me forever. If one day I'm gone suddenly & I've taken these thoughts into my grave I'll regret it. So I'd rather express it here & if you get to this in the future, please remember I love you. I love the rest of my family too.

I believe to all the mums, nothing beats having someone younger who looks like you to go shopping around with, sharing with her your secrets to becoming a woman. Fussing her around with facial masks, teaching her how to look good when she grows from a girl to become a woman.The thrill & satisfaction you get from seeing this girl, your flesh & blood, growing up to be a younger version of you is irreplacable. To all the mums in the world: don't be disheartened if your children dunno how to appraciate your love now for they soon will. I think this comment is redundant as well for mums never forsake their children. Despite getting hurt & angry over & over again they're always there for their children. That is the noble thing about mums.

Tomorrow's Mother's Day, have a gret time celebrating because all the mums in this world deserve this day.